Nick Foles wanted to get the word out that he was, remarkably, a part of the Madden NFL 15 cover vote. So, the Pro Bowl quarterback/Napoleon Dynamite lookalike shot a video of himself from inside of a fishbowl, or something—that part remains unclear.
LeSean McCoy wanted to get the word out about LeSean McCoy, so he called Fred Jackson “grandpa Freddy” and insisted his former backup, Bryce Brown, was going to take Jackson’s job in Buffalo.
Foles is officially out of the contest. Shady rolls on to Round 2, perhaps unknowingly—he would’ve called Jackson “OLD!!” regardless.
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Yet whether he knows it or not, there is no arguing McCoy had the better strategy. Foles tried, which is always the first mistake of doing anything. McCoy just started a bunch of Twitter beefs with other NFL running backs. He didn’t even mention Madden!
Shady was also going head-to-head with Colts wide receiver T.Y. Hilton in the first round, which was smart, because there’s really no contest. The reigning NFL rushing champion versus that guy who did that thing in Indianapolis? Please.
Meanwhile, the Philadelphia Eagles front office has some very important questions to ask itself in the wake of this disaster. Like how is Foles supposed to lead 10 other professional athletes on a game-winning drive in the Super Bowl when he can’t even inspire a bunch of nerds to vote him on the cover of a video game? The whole Gee, golly, just glad to be here routine is obviously wearing thin.
I don’t want to hear that he was up against an established and still-ascending star in quarterback San Francisco 49ers signal-caller Colin Kaepernick. If Foles was taking this seriously, he would’ve cracked wise about Kaepernick’s 58.4 completion percentage last season or seeming inability to play from within the pocket.
And learn how to use your phone, dammit. You’re younger than I am, you ought to know how to take a decent video by now at least. It certainly can’t be as difficult as completing a pass to Jeff Maehl, a feat you actually did manage to accomplish last year.
Anyway, vote for Shady, don’t vote for Shady. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care. Which is probably the exact thing that made you wanna vote for him in the first place.